Today Is The Most Depressed I’ve Felt In A Very Long Time
Today was pretty rough to say the least. Today was an emotional roller coaster. I had no feelings of depression at the start of the day but I was already feeling overly stressed and anxious. The reason why I was already feeling the effects of stress and anxiety early on during the day is because of a variety of different factors. There is something I need to do tomorrow which I have put off for a very long time, I am going to NYC for the first time on Friday, there is a lot of work that needs to be done, there are more than a few “business” dilemmas I need to deal with…seriously, I could go on and on. For a person who struggles when it comes to handling stress and anxiety, having all of this “stuff” going on is not good…at all.
And guess what? Things only continued to get worse. The arrival of my Mom was the literal arrival of my intense depression episode. It was just 5 minutes after she walked through the door when a heated verbal argument between her and I begun. Actually, it wasn’t much of an argument at all. It was a verbal assault and I was the victim. Some of the highlights of this assault included her telling me I was “fucking inconsiderate” (these were her exact words and I quote them because I hate it when my Mom curses for some reason), lazy, not able to do something I had already planned on doing, disregard my age, and many other colorful insults. And luckily for me, I took just about everything she said personally. At the time of the “argument” I truly did act maturely. I refrained from totally disregarding what she had to say, cursing, insulting her, or even overly yelling. I honestly gave my best shot at turning her emotional outburst into a constructive conversation but she wouldn’t have it. After a few minutes I gave up and went to my room where I began to feel worthless for the next hour and a half or so.
She had done an excellent job of making me feel like shit as well as having me over-analyze my every flaw. I was already feeling terrible on my way to my room but just as I sat in the very chair I’m sitting in right now, the depression kicked in. You see, I haven’t felt the worst of my depression in a long time. It didn’t matter though. The feeling was all too familiar as I became consumed by it. This is what the experience of “feeling depressed” is like for me. I can literally feel it come over me. It’s like this blanket that suppresses my mind and body further and further down a deep, dark hole.
As I sat there in my chair I began to think about all of the insults my Mom had used and I began to side with every single one of them. At the time, just about everything seemed unappealing. Everything around me was just there and nothing more. That’s another symptom of depression which is always there for me. I see everything differently. Everything is bland to put it simply. All I did was sit there with a blank stare. I became more and more depressed in my thoughts and the feelings of overwhelming sadness, worthlessness, and pity became more and more intense. I was “there” again and it was God damn terrible. I remember thinking that this severe feeling of depression was here to stay and I kept on thinking about chronic depression days.
When I sit here and write about my day today I am very thankful. I am thankful that I no longer suffer from this severe of depression day in and day out.
Stress As A Result Of Money Problems
Well, here we go. This is my first official post on anxietydepressionandi.com and one that you will probably never read. As mentioned on the homepage, this website will serve as an informational portal for many types of topics as well as a place for me to vent my emotions, personal insight, experiences, and so on. This article (actually, a post in this case) will fall under the latter category.
Enough with the boring stuff, though. Today I would like to talk about stress as a result of money problems. Stress resulting from money problems is something that most of us have dealt with many times during our lives and is something that has hit me rather hard as of late. And this is why I would like to discuss this issue today; both on a personal and general level.
Analyzing Stress As A Result Of Money Issues For What It Is
So, what exactly is “stress as a result of money problems”? Yes, it is a rather stupid question when you only take it for its face value. But I’m not talking about face value here. I ask this question with the intention of getting you to think about all aspects of stress as a result of money problems. Where does it originate from? How can it be dealt with? How can it be prevented? You see, when you begin to take a hard look at the seemingly stupid question, “What exactly is stress as a result of money problems?”, you see that there is a lot more to it than the question itself. There are really 100’s of other much more important questions to consider.
Now, we all can easily identify what causes stress as a result of money problems on a literal level. It’s money, money problems, a lack of money…whatever you want to call it. But what causes these money problems in the first place? This is something that you need to really think about if you want to “cure” your stress from money problems. Did you spend your money on unnecessary things? Do you have a money draining habit? Are you relying on a not-so-reliable source of income? Do you have different streams of income? These are only a few questions which can potentially reveal only a few causes of your money problems. But if you begin to think like this and literally interrogate yourself about what caused you to have money problems in the first place, I can guarantee that you’ll begin to notice some problems that CAN be changed.
Figuring out what caused your stress as a result of money problems is the key to dealing with this kind of stress. In fact, this is what this kind of stress and this type of problem “really” is now that I think about it. It isn’t the stress resulting from your money issues. It is what CAUSED the money issues in the first place. It’s the decisions you’ve made. It’s the mistakes you’ve made. I could go on and on. It doesn’t matter if you money problems have been with you for several years or for several weeks. This concept applies to just about any type of money problem which has been present for any amount of time.
What I Have Done In Order To Deal With This Stress And What You Can Do To Deal With This Stress
Okay, so you’ve just read my analysis of stress as a result of money problems. Hopefully you could at least somewhat understand what I was trying to say. If not, then…actually I really don’t know what to tell you if that’s the case. I guess you’ll just have to figure it out for yourself.
Anyhow, it is now time to move forward. I would now like to talk about my recent experience with this type of stress, how I have been dealing with it, and hopefully how you can too.
So here is the deal, every single month I have a payment of around $360 to make. I don’t really want to get into the specifics right now, nor am I comfortable getting into the specifics, so I am going to keep things rather simple. So, I have a $360 payment to make every month and I have been making this payment on time every single month since the beginning of time. However, this past month’s payment (June) hasn’t gone so well.
I DO make enough money every month to make this payment. In fact, I make much more than the value of this payment. So, what exactly is the problem? My problem is that I cannot access the money when I need to. There is $200 here owed to me and $300 there owed to me, but I cannot touch this money until it is actually paid to me. So really, my stress as a result of money problems comes from not having a consistent cash flow. My stress has also been intensified from outside factors. And by outside factors I am basically referring to my Dad. Whether he tries to or not, he is constantly reminding me of my money issues which is no good for me when it comes to stress. Stress consumes me and whenever there is a conflict in my life I am always thinking about it. Dealing with stress is definitely something I’d like to work on amongst other things and hopefully this blog will help me as it allows me to vent my thoughts.
How have I been dealing with my “money stress”? Well first off, I’ve been practicing what I preached in the first section of this post. Just as the stress got real touch for me and I could literally feel it trying to burst from within me, I began to think long and hard about what actions of mine had caused this and how I could correct those actions. What did I find out? I found that there were more than a few factors which I had directly influenced that caused these money problems and that I had full control over correcting my money problems.
I am now working on ways to limit excessive spending, save my money, make more money through different avenues of income, and just be more money conscious in general. I can confidently say that I now know what I must do in order to effectively deal with my “money stress” and that I am willing to do what it takes.
