Anxiety Is Still Very Much There
Well, I haven’t really gotten much done today so I’d thought I’d login and do an anxiety related write up for this ever evolving blog. I’m saying it right now, I will be sticking to my word in terms of regularly posting content to this blog. I’ve already published 2 pieces of content over the past 3 days and while this really doesn’t prove anything yet as far as my dedication to AnxietyDepressionAndI.com, my mentality remains the same. I am sick of procrastinating. I am sick of thinking “what if”. And lastly, I want this site to grow into somewhat of a beast over this next year. I know I can make it happen and so I am going to make it happen. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t easy to push myself to write on this blog. I do it nonetheless. I give myself no other options. You see, I’ve realized that my main problems when it comes to getting things done is over analyzing the situation and trying to perfect what I will be doing. I honestly think that biggest problem when it comes to me not being able to come up with content to write is that I actually have too much to write about.
However, I’ve just realized that I’ve begun to ramble. This is a good thing for my writing but it isn’t a good thing for this particular post. This post, “Anxiety Is Still Very Much There”, has a topic. And this topic is talking about where I currently am when it comes to my anxiety. There are a few reasons why I chose this topic. The first is because I still haven’t used the Anxiety category for my content on this blog. The second is because I’ve ignored the subject of anxiety up until now even though I have a lot to offer in this area. There isn’t a third reason. I tried to think of one on the spot but that’s when I realized that no such reason existed. Actually, now that I’ve given it some more thought there is a potential reason for writing this anxiety related post. This potential reason is because I potentially want to release all of my feelings related to anxiety. After all, venting and gaining a new creative outlet is one of the main reasons why I created this site.
Where was I? Oh yeah, going over my current state of anxiety. As the title of this post insinuates (that really is a damn cool word, a damn cool word I hope fits in this context), anxiety is still a part of my life. I still experience anxiety from a day to day basis. I would still call it a flaw of mine. Basically, anxiety is still very much there. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come along way in terms of dealing with my anxiety and how much of a problem it is for me. It is still there though. This is the way I look at it at this point; it isn’t a big enough problem in order to interrupt my daily life but it also isn’t a small enough problem in order for me to consider it nonexistent.
You see, when my anxiety was at its prime it was very much an interruption as well as a truly agonizing pain for me. My social anxiety was at the point where I would literally experience physical side effects. I can always appreciate where I am at as a person dealing with anxiety when I think back to when I could rarely make eye contact during a conversation as a result of uncontrollable “shaking” of my head. I was never called out for it but at the time I thought that everyone would potentially notice it if I didn’t keep it on the extreme down low. God damn were those times bad now that I write and think about it. I’ll definitely be writing about these experiences in more detail as time goes on. As I mentioned before, I have a lot to offer when it comes to anxiety simply because I genuinely did go through Hell and back when my anxieties were at there worst. And I think that there are tons of people that can relate to my experiences which is exactly why I now have the mentality that I am going to write A TON of content for this site no matter what it is. If I can reach out to just 1 person with just 1 article of mine out of hundreds, then I have done a lot more than just sitting back and waiting for the perfect piece of content to write or coming up with the perfect idea or whatever else I do in order to procrastinate. Fuck you procrastination, fuck you! I just had to get that one out.
Anyhow yes, my anxiety used to be paralyzing. It isn’t at that point anymore but it is still a pretty big factor as far as who I am. I still get worried about new social situations and think and think and think about them until I worry and worry and worry some more. I still catch myself thinking too much about what others think about me. I still get extremely worked up when I have to do any form of public speaking even if it is as stupid as introducing myself in front of a new class (damn do I need to write about this topic because this used to be a MAJOR problem for me). All in all, I still deal with anxiety on a day to day basis. But you want to know something? I think I am okay with that. Why? Because over these past few years I really have made a lot of progress in terms of coping with my depression and anxiety. Dealing with these 2 illnesses really have changed me for the better and while I am still not at the point where I would like to be, I’m getting there. That’s the thing about anxiety as well as many other mental illnesses. You really can’t “eliminate” them, you can only learn to deal with them and improve your ability to deal with them. Alright then, I think I’ll wrap this bad boy up. I will say this, I actually did enjoy writing this one. Hopefully this says something about where this blog is headed…
