Bringing Yourself To Do Something Is Most Of The Battle And Lots Of Butterflies

I Am A Pro Procrastinator

I pushed myself to write this post and this was probably more work than writing this post will be. Honestly, writing a post on this blog is hardly work at all and it would be pretty ridiculous to consider it such. But the thing is that it requires effort on my part. Not so much work, just a fair amount of effort. I don’t think the two are quite the same thing.

I’d like to think that I know myself fairly well and I know that for me, bringing myself to do something is probably the hardest part of procrastination. I guess you could say that this is something that just about everyone is aware of when it comes to procrastination but I think that it is still a rather profound concept. I mean, the realization of this is what got me to start writing this very post. It isn’t that I haven’t realized this fact before, it’s just that realizing it in the moment helped me out tremendously with actually overcoming procrastination. I think that my main problem with procrastination is that I get caught up in negative emotions and the smaller details of things. It’s a combination of the fact that I a very sensitive emotion wise and to the world around me, I think a whole lot, I am very cynical at times, I lack confidence, and some other things I can’t come to think of right now. These are the collective traits that help to make me one of the worst procrastinators on planet Earth. That’s an exaggeration but I actually think I may be up there on the list of the very best chronic procrastinators. Man, the possibilities of having a job where all you do is procrastinate.

Yeah, so my relationship with procrastination is a very strong one. Whenever I think about having to get work done or do any type of task that requires a higher level of mental effort or anything I find generally unenjoyable, my elite procrastination skills start to kick in. A surge of negative emotions flows all around my body as a result of thinking about whatever it is I don’t want to do. I automatically begin to see whatever it is I don’t want to do in a negative light and I don’t stop seeing it that way. The thing is, I make the task out to be way worse than it actually is for the most part and I know I do this. For instance, right now I know that writing this post and forcing myself to express my thoughts really isn’t all that bad and even enjoyable. It’s nice to have a creative vice and I am actually all about creativity and expression. But when I first think about writing a post here I tell myself that I don’t have anything interesting to say, or that people won’t like what I have to say, or that it isn’t worth doing at the time. Deep down, the thought of fleshing this blog out, expressing myself through writing, potentially connecting with interested readers, getting a substantial amount of traffic in the long run, and creating an informational resource is very exciting to me. This blog really is an extension of me and this site as a whole is mine. In my mind, that’s pretty damn cool.

But like I said, my negativity and self doubt gets the best of me and this is what causes my procrastination. And this is for something that I actually enjoy! So, you can imagine the mental wall I face when it is something that I absolutely despise. It’s a god damn reinforced brick wall, that’s what it is! Once again though, when I actually start to do whatever it is I’ve been procrastinating, it isn’t all that bad. Sure, it might be annoying as hell sometimes but all in all I am able to get into whatever I am doing and commit to it. Dealing with my procrastination is something I’d definitely like to improve upon as I progress with this blog and I’d also really like to document it here as well.

Butterflies In The Stomach

I’ve been experiencing something rather strange for the past 2 weeks or so. I didn’t mention it to my therapist the last time I saw her because I don’t see it as a huge ordeal…yet. We did talk about my increased anxiety, though, and how I’ve been more consciously aware of it and dealing with it. The strange thing I’m talking about is butterflies in my stomach. I’ve been getting them a lot. It’s at the point where it is annoying and it’s keeping me awake when I try to sleep sometimes. The strange thing about this is that I’m experiencing it at random. Yes, I have been feeling increased levels of anxiety overall (actually, it might be a little better recently) but these sensations aren’t related to my anxiety most of the time. I am sitting here right now and getting butterflies as we speak on and off. And the thing is, I’m not even thinking about something that makes me anxious. This is what confuses me. I usually experience this sensation when I think about something that makes me anxious or during a situation that makes me nervous or uncomfortable. I really don’t know what to think of it. Is it my sub-conscious mind anxiety ridden? Is it hormones? I don’t know! And this bugs the hell out of me. I’m definitely going to cover this in future posts because it is genuinely bothering me. For now though, I think I’ll end things here.