Having Trouble Committing
I’ve been thinking a lot about my life lately and how this time of my life is ridiculously packed with stresses. I think about how I should be trying to have as much fun as I can and push my self into social situations, what I want to do with my life, how I need to get better at interacting with people, my need for a relationship, if I should go through with the traditional college route, and how it’s time for me to be more independent. It’s all very stressful to say the least!
Apart from this, I’ve had a very hard time committing to something that I truly want to pursue and make something of. Basically, it’s a method of generating an income for myself that offers huge potential, is entirely legal, and would allow me to truly “live”. The problems is that, for some reason, I seem to push myself away from actually doing. I find that I am extremely bad at taking steps towards my goals and instead I talk my self down and think about what could be if I were to put my heart into this. It’s a vicious mental cycle that starts with a lack of confidence in myself and telling myself that it won’t happen which then turns into me seeing it as an impossible dream that really isn’t worth my time or effort. It’s like I am at a mental block of some sort. Deep down, I don’t believe in myself and as a result I am unmotivated to take action.
In my last post I talked about the subconscious and how powerful it is. This is something that I think also plays a role in my current state of mind concerning my goals. So basically, I have the majority of my mind working against what I truly want and it’s up to me in order to make things right. The problem is that my confidence level is nothing to write home about and I’ve always been extremely hard on myself. Internal conflict sucks! Just had to get this out into writing because it’s something that’s been bothering me for quite some time and was really bothersome today. I still need to work on this site a whole lot more but I’m not going to make any promises as to what I’ll be getting done and when I’ll be doing it. Like the title suggests, I’ve been having trouble committing to things that help me. Go figure…
Just Thinking About The Subconscious
A topic that always seems to pop up in my mind is why we feel the way we feel and what dictates our motivations or lack thereof. It’s something that’s extremely interesting to me because it is something that can potentially have a huge impact on your life. I mean, someone who is constantly driven to achieve and get things done is obviously going to do more and attain success. On the flip side, someone who is constantly thinking negatively and frozen in their tracks when it comes to pushing for what they really want probably won’t get very far – instead, they’ll most likely end up coasting through life.
I’ve come to the realization that this is something I tend to struggle with. I’ve realized that I have a very particular goal set for myself which is anything but normal but offers huge rewards, and that I regularly think in a way that keeps me from working towards success. All of this thinking and realizing has led me to even more thinking, and even more realizing. I’ve garnered a new appreciation for the subconscious mind and the influence it has on our conscious thinking and ultimately our true potential. As a sufferer of anxiety and depression, I realize the power of the mind and the sheer influence it can have on our lives. It is because of this that I am interested in trying to learn more and take control of my subconscious thinking.
Conscious thinking is something that we can grasp in a way. You might think to yourself, “I need to go to the store and pick up some bread” (a pretty damn dull example, I know), and then you’ll go ahead and do what you thought. This type of thinking is something that we can realize because it is something that we are actively participating in and controlling. However, the subconscious level of thinking is hidden to us. And the crazy part about this is that our subconscious mind, while hidden to us, plays a major role in our conscious mind. Our subconscious will remember a past failure and when we are faced with a situation attached to that failure, our subconscious mind will inherently pass on feelings of negativity to our conscious level of thinking. This, to me, is extremely interesting.
The fact that our subconscious level of thinking plays such a large role in our conscious level of thinking really makes me want to investigate ways of maintaining more control over my subconscious. Anyhow, that all I really wanted to say as it’s been on my mind for the past few hours and I wanted to put something up on this blog. I’m feeling a ball of emotions right now (angst, anxiety, and a little depression/feeling overwhelmed) which is why I’m not fleshing this post out (need to work on my subconscious!).
