Having Trouble Committing

I’ve been thinking a lot about my life lately and how this time of my life is ridiculously packed with stresses. I think about how I should be trying to have as much fun as I can and push my self into social situations, what I want to do with my life, how I need to get better at interacting with people, my need for a relationship, if I should go through with the traditional college route, and how it’s time for me to be more independent. It’s all very stressful to say the least!

Apart from this, I’ve had a very hard time committing to something that I truly want to pursue and make something of. Basically, it’s a method of generating an income for myself that offers huge potential, is entirely legal, and would allow me to truly “live”. The problems is that, for some reason, I seem to push myself away from actually doing. I find that I am extremely bad at taking steps towards my goals and instead I talk my self down and think about what could be if I were to put my heart into this. It’s a vicious mental cycle that starts with a lack of confidence in myself and telling myself that it won’t happen which then turns into me seeing it as an impossible dream that really isn’t worth my time or effort. It’s like I am at a mental block of some sort. Deep down, I don’t believe in myself and as a result I am unmotivated to take action.

In my last post I talked about the subconscious and how powerful it is. This is something that I think also plays a role in my current state of mind concerning my goals. So basically, I have the majority of my mind working against what I truly want and it’s up to me in order to make things right. The problem is that my confidence level is nothing to write home about and I’ve always been extremely hard on myself. Internal conflict sucks! Just had to get this out into writing because it’s something that’s been bothering me for quite some time and was really bothersome today. I still need to work on this site a whole lot more but I’m not going to make any promises as to what I’ll be getting done and when I’ll be doing it. Like the title suggests, I’ve been having trouble committing to things that help me. Go figure…